Vuvuzelas Prompt Voluntary Evacuation From District 9

Prolonged exposure to the noise emanating from the plastic monotonic wind instrument has prompted some of the residents of Johannesburg's District 9 to voluntarily evacuate the alien-only enclave. Interestingly, although the South African government and private parties such as Multi-National United (MNU) had made arrangements for new quarters in District 10, many of the alien visitors opted to return to the stranded mothership or self-immolation.

One unidentified alien (known locally as 'prawns') was quoted as saying "skcch sch skkkkch scristch" which was roughly translated as "I would gladly welcome death's sweet embrace before listening to another second of those damned plastic trumpets".

MNU is already considering adding the vuvuzela to it's already considerable arsenal to maintain order among the alien districts.

Other World Cup News: Dr. Stephan Coetzee, the director for South Africa's National Vuvuzela Philharmonic Orchestra, has recently complained of soccer games between internationally ranked teams breaking out in the middle of his Orchestra's performances. Spontaneous matches have marred every concert since the start of the Vuvuzela Philharmonic's opening performance on June 11.

Team Uruguay is feeling confident heading into their match with Mexico. At a press conference the other day, Uruguay's team captain confidently declared "We'll eat them alive". When it was pointed out that the team that was stranded in the Andes and had to resort to cannibalism after surviving a plane crash was in fact a rugby team, not a soccer team the captain withdrew his statement, but expressed that he was confident his team was better prepared and would emerge victorious.